Stress makes me emotional, for sure. And right now, as I explained in my previous post, I'm super stressed out. Come to think of it, that's probably why I cried yesterday watching an episode of Full House. I wish I was joking. Stress also does something else to me, it puts me in a bad mood.
Honesty moment- I'm a pessimist. Sorry to burst your sunshine bubble and break you rose-colored glasses, but I tend toward the pessimistic side of life. And you know what? I'm ok with it. I'm not ok with all my negativity all the time or with downright bad attitudes that some days bring, but, honestly, I've never been a glass-half-full kinda girl.
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| Eeyore is my spirit animal. He GETS me, ya'll. |
Please don't think I'm saying there's anything wrong with being positive. If that's your personality, be the little miss (or mister) sunshine that you were born to be! I'll be the raincloud in the corner, perfectly content to bask in your sunshine for a minute and go on my merry way.
So what do I mean by pessimist? Personally, I prefer the term realist. (Some people say "harsh" or "blunt" and I'd be lying if I said those weren't also accurate.) I like to look at the world as it is, evaluate it, and move on. I'm a driven person. I like to get things done and done well when at all possible. I can't stand laziness, especially when it comes to school or work. My mantra for my senior year is "Suck it up and get it done." (Positive, sweet, endearing people, feel free to cringe and/or put me on your prayer list.) I'm realistic in that I find out what it takes to complete a task and I do it. Like Nike, I just do it.
In my opinion, realists are more independent. Can I get a witness, realists? Since I don't need someone to hold my hand through everything, I can get more done on my own. I'm not anti-social, but sometimes I just need to get by myself and do some work. I like doing my own thing, setting my own schedule, and generally just taking care of myself by myself. Expecting a lot from yourself can be tiring, but it's pretty rewarding to do things without help.
It's hard for me to ask for help because, you guessed it, I'm kinda (really) stubborn. I'm always surprised when someone offers to help me do something, but I'm always really grateful. Part of being realistic is not having high expectations. That way, I don't get let down. Please don't feel sorry for me. When something awesome happens to me, it almost always catches me off-guard and it's like a gift!
How does all of this tie into my intro about emotions? I would say pessimism (realism) is a major part of my personality. However, emotions take my personality to a whole different level. When emotions get too involved, my straightfoward-ness turns into mean and my driven work ethic turns into angry-at-everyone-who-gets-in-my-way. I tend to be confrontational and harsh, so I often hurt people's feelings. Oftentimes I justify my actions by saying I was "being real" when what I was doing was being unnecessarily nasty. Emotions get the best of me because I'm sinful. It sucks, but it's true. I'm working through separating my personality from my emotions, but it takes lots of time with Jesus and I'm still a work in progress.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't let emotions take over the best parts about you. Embrace your personality, but work on separating your personality and your emotions. Nobody's perfect, but we could all stand to work on ourselves, right? I know I could. Next time you talk to me, I'll still be 100% me: realistic, blunt, and honest, but I'll try to temper it with the kindness and love of Christ. As a Christian, that's what we're supposed to do anyway. Allow Christ "to will and to act in order to fulfill His good purpose" as it says in Philippians 2:13. He knows my heart and your heart and created us all with our personalities and quirks, so why not let Him mold us to be more like Him? We can trust Him. I'm sure of it.
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